ADA, Okla. -- A couple days ago, I walked into a casino in Oklahoma and walked out a winner. This happens about 19 out of 20 times that I enter a casino. Even when I don&rsquo,t win, I don&rsquo,t lose. I merely break even. I have a system and for a lot of reasons it works best here in the great state Oklahoma. Casino in oklahoma.
I know this sounds like the kind of scammy pitch you read online and then somebody wants you to pay money to learn their &ldquo,fool proof&rdquo, gambling system. But that&rsquo,s not how I roll. I&rsquo,m just going to tell you how the system works. I&rsquo,m just going to give it away, because the casinos are raking in money from vice, so why shouldn&rsquo,t somebody take a little nibble out of the casinos? My system is called Only Play with the House&rsquo,s Money.
Actual gamblers who are reading this article can probably stop right now. This is gambling for non-gamblers.
This is a system where you walk into a casino, the casino gives you $10, $15, or $20 and you walk out with, well, maybe the same amount, maybe more, maybe a bit less. Rarely, you walk out with nothing. But the key is you stop by a casino, pick up your free money, and quickly convert it into something useful, like gasoline.
My father was a gambler. In that dark and mixed up period of wandering after seeing combat in World War Two, he somehow ended up in Reno, Nevada dealing craps. But when I was a child in the 1970s, my father wouldn&rsquo,t play craps with his three kids because his back was bad and there was too much bending over with dice games. Instead, we would play blackjack. He&rsquo,d hand us about five bucks apiece and say we had to play at least 20 hands, with a minimum wager of a nickel. Whatever we won or didn&rsquo,t lose, we could keep.
My little brother would gamble away his money, but I usually found ways to walk away from the table with something left. And while we sat there, my father would tell stories about Reno, about fools who lost their money gambling, and sometimes -when he had enough liquor in him- he&rsquo,d talk about the war.
Some people -social workers, mostly- thought it was a bad idea to teach elementary school kids how to play blackjack for actual cash while telling hair-raising war stories in a liquored up state. But years later, when I left home and went to college and the sirens of voice tried to call my name, I found those blackjack games with my inebriated father had inoculated me like a vaccine.
I love casinos, which always feature free soft drinks and cheap buffets. In fact, I love Las Vegas. But I love my money too much to gamble it away.
My father taught me about gambling systems. He said there were ways to fool the house. Systems existed. Systems were out there. And if you could come up with a foolproof system, it wasn&rsquo,t really gambling.
Flash forward to Gardez, Afghanistan, in the fall of 2011. Pulling endless hours of guard duty in an armored vehicle, soldiers from Oklahoma&rsquo,s 45 th Infantry would try to stay awake with caffeine and conversation. So I would have my fellow soldiers teach me about anything they knew well. One soldier taught me how to make bootleg whiskey, all the way from gathering apples in the orchard to making a toast. Another soldier said he had a system to win at roulette.
&ldquo,Tell me your system,&rdquo, I said, and for hours he described a method of doubled bets -professional gamblers call it Martingaling after the guy who invented it- playing on the red/black, odd/even side bets. This soldier could, so he claimed, make thousands of dollars a night. The only problem, he said, was with his system it&rsquo,s &ldquo,the world&rsquo,s most boring game.&rdquo, You never won big. You just kept winning small for hours without end.
&ldquo,The world&rsquo,s most boring game?&rdquo, I asked, incredulously. &ldquo,We&rsquo,re out here watching feral dogs take a piss through night vision. You could be in some swanky casino looking down the serving girl&rsquo,s blouse.&rdquo,
Casino hotels in oklahoma
For months in Afghanistan I contemplated my fellow soldier&rsquo,s &ldquo,foolproof&rdquo, roulette system and told myself that&rsquo,s what I would do after the war, play professional roulette. But first I obtained a toy roulette wheel and spent hours playing by myself, seeing if the system worked. Oh, my word, the system worked. So then I spent hours watching an actual wheel at a casino in Kansas City and some other locations, tracking the results.
And I became convinced the system did not work. The wheels at the casinos behave differently than the toy wheels. The roulette Martingaling side bet system would draw you in with temporary winnings then make a loser out of you. Just like the usual course of gambling. I don&rsquo,t know if that soldier who taught me his system was fibbing or only fooling himself, or if he&rsquo,d experienced brief runs of luck, but after crunching the numbers I concluded it was best to run in the opposite direction.
After enjoying the cut rate casino buffet, of course.
Thus my career as a professional gambler evaporated before I&rsquo,d gambled a dime, except for money I spent on the toy roulette wheel. Cheap at twice the price, I figure.
But I knew successful systems were out there. These things existed. My own father had told me so.
At each casino where I tried to study roulette, I was always offered a Player&rsquo,s Club card. And sometimes the cards came with a little bit of free cash credit. The idea was you had to gamble with the cash, but once you&rsquo,d gambled the full amount, whatever you won was yours.
How amazingly similar to those old blackjack games with my father, I thought. The point for me had never been winning. The point had always been, &ldquo,How do I play by the rules and yet walk away with as much of this free money as possible?&rdquo, Furthermore, while you are playing in a casino with their free money, you are eligible for other prizes being drawn and randomly awarded.
I quickly realized these Player&rsquo,s Club incentives were a game within a game that was waiting to be systematically exploited. In other states, casinos are not so common. But in Oklahoma, there&rsquo,s one around every corner. And they&rsquo,re all offering small incentives, often advertised on big billboards.
The key is to walk out with as much of the small incentive as possible, and never gamble with your own money.
To pull this off, I find a machine that allows me to play 20 lines at a time at a penny a line. I spread that money a mile wide and an inch deep, and dribble it out 20 cents at a time. The key is not to win big. The key is to keep breaking even until you have gambled all the money, and then you can keep what is won (or left over) fair and square. The machine doesn&rsquo,t let you just take the free cash and walk away. You have to play it.
Once I gamble the free money, I stop. I don&rsquo,t tell myself that I&rsquo,m winning and this is free money, so I should keep gambling.
If I walk out of a casino a dollar richer, I&rsquo,ve already beaten the odds for most people. So if I can walk out of a dozen casinos in a row richer instead of poorer, what does that make me? I say it makes me a professional gambler. The small psychological boost of winning repeatedly with my system is great. Or maybe that&rsquo,s all the free cola.
Sometimes you have to gamble a single one of your own dollars to &ldquo,unlock&rdquo, the free money. Best to keep track of that dollar and walk away before you gamble it.
What I do is look for a machine with lots of incentives advertised on the exterior. If I have luck with a machine in one casino, I look for that same type of machine in other casinos.
This summer, my teenage son and I took a road trip that led through Vegas. We discovered casinos in Vegas offer less free incentives than the ones in Oklahoma, which is unforgivably lame, when you think about it. In fact, the most luck I had with my system was at a small casino in Arizona, where I was given 20 dollars in free play.
Somehow, I won a hundred free spins. I was worried about my kid, sitting out in the car, but our deal was I go inside to gamble with the free money and anything I win I hand over to my son for waiting patiently out in the car. My son never has to wait in the car long because I only gamble with the free money. But this time he waited a long time, and when I came out to the car he looked at me in that surly teenage way and asked, &ldquo,Hey, what the hell?&rdquo,
I held up a voucher for $87. I told him it was all his money, minus a single dollar that was mine.
His eyes grew excited. This was FREE money. Maybe I should go back to that machine which was treating me so well and gamble more.
No, I told my son, we would take this money and walk away. The name of the game is Only Play with the House&rsquo,s Money.
Now this money was my own money, and I don&rsquo,t gamble with my own money.
Usually, your first time in a new casino is your big opportunity for free money. But sometimes the incentives keep coming. Ten dollars for your birthday month. Money because it&rsquo,s Men&rsquo,s Night and you&rsquo,re a man. Money because you&rsquo,re a vet and it&rsquo,s Veterans Day.
You can pick up schedules and plan your little attacks on nearby casinos like a very minor military campaign. This month is December, my birthday month. River Mist Casino gave me $10 and I walked out with $17.06. I mailed $10 to my son and told him to see The Hobbit, explaining where the money came from. River Mist is on my daily commute and I look upon it as a source of free beverages and free money. But I&rsquo,m unhappy their free popcorn machine is broken and I wish they&rsquo,d hurry up and fix it.
Choctaw casino in oklahoma
Some months ago my car stalled while I was robbing River Mist of their popcorn and cola. While I was trying to get my vehicle started I struck up a conversation with a Vietnam War Vet named John who lent me jumper cables. He was wearing a cap that said Golden Pony and a beard viciously competing with Duck Dynasty. I asked John what he liked to play, and he said he enjoyed a particular kind of game of his own invention. To my amazement he began to describe my own system. Only his particular variation involved taking care to play during the hours the casino was doing prize drawings.
I admired his ruthlessness. He wasn&rsquo,t there to gamble. He was there to take their money. And it didn&rsquo,t matter the money consisted of small amounts. Somebody has to walk out a winner and it was going to be him. But John wasn&rsquo,t keeping his system to himself. He was sharing it freely with strangers, smiling fiendishly at the thought of others walking away with their share of the casino&rsquo,s money.
There are ways to take casinos for a ride. It&rsquo,s a very short ride, but it&rsquo,s a ride all the same.
Sometimes I will actually avoid watching the flashing lights and I will try to tune out the merry sounds. The sirens of vice will learn your name and call it until you cave, if you are not made of stern stuff. Best to stop your ears with wax like sailors in the mythological story.
So there it is. That&rsquo,s the system. Not such a big deal to win small amounts, right? Well, consider the usual alternative, which involves consistently losing large amounts.
Also, you might think that because my stem is given away freely it&rsquo,s not worth anything because people don&rsquo,t give away good things for free, right?
But people do give away good things for free. Casinos in Oklahoma give away money and you just have to cut off the attached strings to convert THEIR casino money into YOUR gasoline money without being sucked into contributing your dollars to their empire of vice.
And besides, I&rsquo,m being paid for this article. For explaining to tens of thousands of people how to gig Oklahoma&rsquo,s casinos out of ten dollars here, twenty dollars there.